Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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