3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
even my farts smell like vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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