I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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