Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
