It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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