i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
