Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize