yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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