we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
