mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
