we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want a musical about memes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
