It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
