Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
