That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
