I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
