Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
