Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
