I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
