Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
