Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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