a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
