Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
