we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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