The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
