hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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