i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
