It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Panties = found
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
