its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
