is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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