If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
