Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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