But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
