i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
