I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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