3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
