I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
