It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
