so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize