Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
