he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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