remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
