I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
