in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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