He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
BRING THE BAGELS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
