i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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