I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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