Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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