I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
