walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
