He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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