So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize