I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
