you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
