its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
