I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
