In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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