i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
