My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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