I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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