tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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